wb to me

wow....
cant believe this. am here again, hehehehe it took awhile before i remembered that i still have this account.
i think its more than 3 months that i have posted any new entry in my blog... wow... feels like ages already hehehe

looking back, what has happened ba so far? well, i could say normal things happen to ordinary people like me. of course there is always constant change on my life but i could pretty say that things are different now.

gone are the days of the long drives at night, instead a welcome of short kisses and hugs on week nights because of too much work so there is lesser time to go out, and have fun.
what else?
ahhh i think i covered most of my time with meeting new friends and acquaintances, therefore, widening the friendship loop. spent also sometime dining at restos that i didnt know existed but loved it just the same hehehe

and loads and loads of work...

life in general??? dont know.

on festivities and moods

25 Dec 2006

its the 1st time i am away from home, celebrating the yuletide season far from my family at the province.
somehow, the thought scared me. i am uncertain whether i'll be ok or they will be ok there.
or maybe its just that i miss my family and i never tried spending it without them.

BUT...

here i am spending the whole festive season with my special someone.
i am glad im here. :) thanks babe for the gift! :) :) :)

happy monthsary babe! i love you! :)

to all: merry merry christmas! wish all of you the blessings of the season! :)

aGinG wiTH GrAcE & BeaUTy

Ninang... she is one of the ladies whom i adored since the 1st time we were introduced. :) I was actually too shy to call her ninang because she isnt my ninang, but robert (the ever makulit side of him) insisted on calling her Ninang (instead of the normal "tita" i am accustomed to). So i did. :) (this is beginning to sound like a testimonial... sana naman nde di ba? hahahaha i just want to share some wonderful stories about her... so here goes...) Ninang loves to talk about life, i do smile sometimes when i think of our talks especially about the delicious food prepared at the table, how it is cooked, and the different ways of cooking it. :) she shares her passion about cooking, and she talks about it lovingly as if it is her life. well, i would not assume otherwise kc un ung totoo.going back...ninang's calmness surprised me a lot... i remember that time na she was having a hard time breathing because of a sudden change of temp in the room, i was panicking... but ninang, in all her graceful ways, stood there and so calm... and funny thing was what she told me: "just be quiet" hahahahaha through the years, she has always been there for her loved ones... and what speaks most about this lovely lady is that she was never even bothered by the constant changes in her world. she remained calm. flexible. unnerved.really... aging has never been this graceful and beautiful... :)

thank you for the gift of you

cheek-a-boo
Originally uploaded by simply mals.

i happen to talk to a friend whom i havent seen or heard from for so long. time has captured her youth and her idea of life. as i listened to her stories, pain and angst crept on my veins as i can feel her emotions at the brink of breaking. she asked questions that i wish i knew the answers; she reached out to my heart for support, for comfort. distance has separated us, if she were somewhere near, you bet i'll be right there at her doorstep reassuring her that things will be fine. we parted over the net with a promise of logging again the next day. i hope she will...

reflecting on what has just happenend meant only one thing: i am so blessed of having robert in my life. I may not always say it nor show it to him how blessed I am, but times like this simply reminds me about the gift given to me. "Thank you" is never enough to say it all. i know it isnt. i wish i knew what to do, how to show it.
im trustful though that my love is enough. if it isnt, i know nothing more.

again, thank you.
i love you!

bear-ry hug

sat night , 11/04/06, marked my immersion into his world. being nervous and uptight to meet his relatives seem pretty normal, i guess, but as the time speaks of people in slumber i began to relax and simply adored my partner that night. i was too busy thinking of how to blend in with the crowd that i forgot how specifically he complimented me that night, how he managed to divide his attention between me and his family, and how he stood by my side all through the night sending me reassurances that he is always there. it was a magical night, but of course, even princesses have their own bloopers to share... my prince had somehow forgotten that my gown is a bit long at the back that he kept on stepping on it. it was quite funny when i am suddenly rooted to where i stand because i cant move a thing. hahahaha

it was a very wonderful evening esp to the debutante. and i shared this happiness because it felt great to finally meet some of the most important persons in my man's life.

the pic shows it all :)

stRinGs oF a SoNg

beneath his shoulders, i lay.
quiet and seemingly content with the soft cuddle you offer.
oh, how i admire that sweet sweet look in your eyes.
it speaks nothing but pure gladness, of a love that is mine.
all mine.
your voice melodiously dances to the rythm of admiration.
your touch echoes the long forgotten song of fire.
your words soothe the ache in this heart that is wanting to break.
the song has been played again.
clothe me in your arms.
hold me once again.
teach me the song of your love.

** happy happy monthsary dearest! )

toxic!!!

after a full 6-day stay at home, i cant believe that im ever thankful im back at my desk. staring the monitor again for a straight 8-hour run, doing the bidding of my big bosses here and what they ask me to. oh well, this is okay. id rather have this than what has happenend to me last week. i hate being sick. oh well. who would wish naman di ba? its totally UGLY to be sick, i hate the bitter meds that ive been taking. wtf! why didnt they produce meds that will be good naman sa taste noh? i hate my taste buds pa nun, ang pakla pakla...
good thing dito na ko ofis, at least i get to surf and chat with a lot of people hehehe

hmmm... work muna ko... dito na mga amo ko eh.

3rd on 1st...

i say its 3rd on 1st. two excruciating 25th days of july and august is too much to bear, so i just assume this 25th day would be a very very different one. and i bet im right this time (coz i usually lose a lot in betting hehehehe).
today is the 1st of the series of hopefully being together the rest of the 25th days of my life. oh well, giving some space for uncertainties, i think i may have to be hopeful for now. as they say, never count ur chickens unless they are hatched hahahaha
reflecting on things about what changed in me most since i met rob, i am surprised but very happy to say that ive been a better person. or maybe its love thats working in me. (cheesy!!!) but true. yep! i realized i laugh a lot now, smile often at people, and talk a lot. ahh yeah, maybe rob would like to add here na i am starting to sound like girls from elite schools. what the!!! i aint, dear. im proud to be a UP-ian... hehehe but hey, i didnt say its bad (geesh! i hope di magalit ung girls...) its just that its not so "mals". :)

seriously, things are going up and up. right now, we are on a level that clothes us both entrirely with all the love and respect that we can muster. and im more hopeful we will be staying that way for as long and much as "life" can give us. being skeptical though on things like this seem a bit appropriate because relationship wise, we are both young. we are just starting. but i know even without asking, we are both worth the risk to dive the water. hehehe

indeed, 3rd on a 1st. i havent seen him today (night shift ako, so i'll be meeting him mga 10pm pa) and im sooo excited to see him. i was once asked by a card (yep, a card! hehehehe) "what is your favorite time of the day?" and i replied without second thoughts.. "pag uwian na" hehehe kc i get to see you!

so simple yet so meaningful na statement. i'll see u in an hour. happy 3rd monthsary! :) and more to come! :)
i love you!

i just cant believe it, i am definitely home.
hahahahahahahahahahaha
faking a smile right now is something i can't do because i can feel all my muscles flexed into this ear to ear BIG smile. it feels good to be home. correction. it is GREAT to be home. i remember the instant i saw my sister, my mom, my cuz, and my babe meeting me at the airport, grabe! to the max talaga ang ngiti ko. we embraced, kissed and laughed so hard. after all those two months of being so FAR from all of these comforting things, we are bound again by our inuman and kainan talks. wahahahahaha
speaking of kainan, ciempre punta kme agad sa gerry's grill sa may blue wave, somewhere in roxas. ay naku! we ordered sisig, crispy pata, inihaw na squid, sinigang na bangus and ciempre kanin!!! andami dami ko nakain! wahahahahah yes, ZERO EGG and CHICKEN! hahahaha
and ciempre since ikot ikot kme ni rob, dami food stops lagi. hehehehe i missed how sinful filipino dishes can be. feeling ko nga i committed gluttony na wahahahaha okay lang naman cguro un, Diyos ko Lord, patawad po.
basta masarap kumain, period. hehehehe
and the best of all these "being home" scenes is the kissing, loving and sharing stories with my rob. and the endless talks with my sister
i cant wait to see these two again. si babe mamaya kc sunduin nya ko. si ela mamaya sa bed sa bahay.
thank God, i am home. back into the waiting arms of everyone i love.

cOMinG HomE

im going home!!! yipeee!!!
at long last, after those two months of being away from home, i am definitely in high spirits.
welcome traffic of manila, welcome burning sensation from the sun, and welcome reality. :)

looking back on those two solid months of living alone in this not so ordinary world of onions, curry powder and sandalwood i realized that i dont really have the courage to live away from all the comfort zones i have.
i am terrible at coping with life without having my friends and family around, more so being away from all those sweet sweet memories in my life.

i had learned much from this journey, about having to wait, being patient, being strong because no one is there to call upon when i need help. one thing that i truly love about this journey is that i learned to exercise my strengths in cooking, in being disciplined and being adaptive to this new environment i was in.

however, given the chance of me being back in this place, i guess for now a big "no" appears on my face. i miss my old life, i miss home.

but then, we'll never know. i might still say yes some other time.

but for here and now, i will say no.

definitely, im going home! yipee!!!

2nd 30-days...

across the miles, i hear you.
such a distant figure, yet so near.
i wish i could hold you, but reality check! you are miles and miles away from me.
but as i listen to your voice on this glorious day, i am clothed with all the love...with all the assurance that even if things are tough, our love will be there to stand tall.
this is the 60th-day that rob and i have shared as a couple, and looking back, i realize that sharing those delicate issues together, weaving the hands of time, seems to magically fit into our world. yes. its like magic.
i never imagined that love can be so strong a feeling that it makes me so insecure with a lot of things. i am blessed though to have rob reassure me that things are gonna be fine. man, things are really falling into place. it was so unexpected. but im thrilled.
oh yes! rob makes me so happy! he is just irresistible! hahahaha :-)

seriuosly, happy 2nd monthsary babe. im looking forward to more sharing and creating our memories... the road ahead isnt clear but with you beside me, i am safe. i love you.

BarELy bReatHinG

oh little leaf
come, and join the wind.
let go of that twig,
spread your green coat, and fly.

but the little leaf wont budge,
remained as still as a stone
attached firmly on the twig
never letting go.

life is as is.
it offers lots of surprises,
oftentimes gifts of wisdom
clothed in rags.

i wish i have the ability
to reach into your heart
and melt your sorrows away
just like the little leaf.

i am the wind.
a gift i offer you.
take me.
reach out .
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
i am known to be a strong woman but without you i no longer exist. it pains me much that i dont know how to reach your heart. i wish i knew how to ease the pain. but i dont...

gaUGiNg tHe sHAdoWs

Disappointments hurt us;
no matter how much we try to ease things with the deep feelings nearing love,
we sometimes let ourselves be trapped in these hurtful situations.
It is not much to ask if the bizarre feelings we felt at that time impact how we perceive others;
our relationship to that person and our knowledge of acceptance.
However, these atypical systems in our lives sometimes determine our strength to let go of what is there and what is not.
It can be one of the most difficult things we face in life, yet there is a unique way of experiencing it because along with it comes the different choices in which we simply wait for those lessons we long to learn.

I am a disappointment; always have been.
I never fail on this.
It makes me sad that at these times I do wish I am not here;
that I’m locked away…
where no one can reach me.

Clothe me… hold me dear.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
I am being so emotional again;
lost once more in my own crazy world.
When will it end?
Or will it ever?

DisORiEnTed

i have only less than a month before i leave for home. hmmm i realize too that ive been away for more than a month now, away from everyone... away from the comfort of all my friends and my family... away from those big servings of sinigang, nilaga, adobo, everything... just everything.
as i begin to contemplate further on this emptiness i have right now, i realize as well that i am slowly drifting away from the real world... am back into my own world that is full of unending questions of what if's.
being away from home for this long has taught me a lot about what "missing" is. i never expected to miss even the simplest things like bangus, daing, tinapa, etc. (awww!! gutom na ko!). i never expected that i'd be counting the days when i'll be home soon. all of this missing thing is so new to me. i love adventures that are freely given along with travelling. i love to discover how other people from other nations live... though i thought i wont ever feel this homesickness thing. it has been giving me a hard time. and i hate it.
i am out of the country for work. thats what im being paid for. not to sit and stare at the pc for so long hoping for my loved-ones to talk to me. argh!!! i am being silly.
going back... maybe its just as simple as wondering how it would be like if i were home right now.
i wish i were home. maybe i'd find myself with my sister talking about nonsensical things, but somehow we 'll still both enjoy hahahaha or maybe i'd be driving around with eveningdrive.
hay naku. nag eemote me again... missing a lot of things or persons make me sick. its driving me crazy. :(
hurry! can someone call the mental hopsital for me? hehehe
serious na... im missing home. sobra. uwi na ko. gusto ko na umuwi.

UnLikELy

4AM IDC
i just read the recent post from rob (eveningdrive no more?) and although i wrote my comments on his post, it still doesnt seem right or maybe what i said there still isnt enough to say how i felt after reading it.
honestly, i never expected rob to share that realization in his life. i didnt know that he has given everything by leaping into the water, he may have been so unsure at that time but he made the leap. a big leap actually because it has cost him his life, if i may say so.
i know it wasnt easy for him but he managed to overcome his fears by taking that giant step, just because he wanted to be with me.
now, i may sound a bit mayabang na, but i didnt mean to. its just what i felt when i read the post. and now im worried and scared... what if what we have isnt the best thing for him? what if being with me adds up to his burden? these thoughts make me weak.
but i remember him saying something about taking risks. sa kanya ko nga natutunan un eh...
so i think its about time that i end these negative issues about disappointments and similar stuff.
as long as i know that he is happy being with me, then there is no reason for me to feel that way anymore.
i trust that our love is strong, and this is all i need to know.

my other half

kyle!!!
Originally uploaded by simply mals.

living a thousand miles away from her makes my life dull, full of longing, to be home and be with this girl. i worry a lot about her, whether she is doing fine with all the necessities of life, if she is coping well with all the stress of living alone in the city.
we have been together, inseparable, for a straight 20+ years. we grew up throwing tantrums aimed at each other, displaying the funniest and darndest faces we could make, laughed and cried at all the men-are-jerks issues in life, had fallen in love, out of love and in love again and again, and had been there for each other through all these years. sometimes we forget to say how much we mean to each other yet we try to say it every moment we get the chance to do so.
and now, leaving her alone in the cold rainy days of manila makes me worry a lot. she has been used to me being around, to us being together. i am so unsure whether she can get things done by herself... but looking ahead at what this temporary separation can mean for her, i guess this is a test. i wish i could be there to comfort her when things go wrong, but i know that for all the things that will come her way while i am not around, she will need sometime alone to reflect on life and realize how strong she can be even if 'ate' is not around.
the road is rough and crooked. but i know she can see things through.
she is strong.
just like ate. :-)
i love you, sis! i miss u a lot. ate will be home soon. :-)

my man!

yey!
eto po ang love ko! hehehe kaso nakasimangot eh. di ata to masaya na kasama nya ako dito wahhehehehe
honestly, di ko lam why naging kme hehehe (joke lang po!) nde... truth is di kme magkasundo nyan before hehehe oh well, dami rin naman nangyayari na surprises sa buhay kaya yun, nakakatawa man isipin pero fate led us to each other. :)
i always prayed for lots of things for my man. but i thank God that He led me to rob. it was like magic, miraculously woven in the hands of time that rob and i were to meet and find out how good we look when we are together.
of course, mushy things are always served either very hot or very cold. depends on what we both feel like doing. so far, we are doing our best in trying todeal with that 2.5 hour difference in our scheds. i can say that rob has been extra patient with me all this time. it is really great having someone around to take care of you, who is willing to listen to all your ramblings about life.
i know i am indeed blessed to have him. i can say that i am lucky also, but i think "lucky" is too shallow a word to completely explain how i feel having him.
i love this man! i once told him that i was going to master judo or karate para pag may aagaw sa kanya sa kin eh kakaratehin ko or i-ju-judo ko hehehe
matagal pa ko dito, malayo pa sa kanya, pero isang buwan na lang. yey! tapos na rin after!
i'll be home soon baby. :)
i love you!

wandering @wonderla

the water rides in wonderla
Originally uploaded by simply mals.

30 July 2006
i had a chance to visit this place "wonderla" at bangalore, india. a 2-hour ride away from St. John's woods (where im staying); and considered as one of the famous parks in bangalore.
it was around 11AM when reached the place. it was a typical sunday for everyone, and very much like the philippines, its a family day.
to my surprise, i had never seen such a queue of elderly women, children, parents, couples, teens going crazy to enter the park. i held my breath because im really not that accustomed to large groups of people sharing that familiar scent of fried onions. I think i may have to check myself din baka nahawa na ko.
anyways, off we went, took our tickets, grabbed a bin to place our things the started our journey around the place for 2 hours (thats the free time for the group before gathering again for a round of group rides).
the scorchingly screaming sun took the energy out of me. i never had the chance to enjoy my day because my migraine had been seeping in. the day was stressful for me. i spent the day watching the whole team enjoy themselves. hayy naku.
luckily, i tried the "anchor's away" look-a-like as a starter ride... but as soon as the wheels of the machine took us to flight, voila! my headache was throbbing so hard i vomitted right after the ride. it looks that i'd proven once again that rides like these aren't good for me...
(** sad part is... i know someone wont be at all too happy to know that i cant join him on similar rides :( sowee...)
---now, for the fun part.... hahaha and kinda ewwww for some... ---
the team asked us to join the group for a swim, which we didnt reject. we obliged. hayyy
we went to the "waves", very similar to that "wave pool" at fontana. we were there for around an hour or so. its quite fun. and i had the strangest feeling that most of the people there were staring at us because we were wearing shorts and sleeveless tops while they were sporting jeans + tee, or saree (a dress for women), or jogging pants + tee... yeah.. in short, they were ogling us.
the day went well after that, we had dinner in a fancy resto very similar to the restos at greenbelt 3.
we went home so tired that my two friends closed shut their own rooms the moment we reached home. hahahaa
as for me, i stayed longer at the sofa bed. i spent another 4 hours talking to my baby over ym - but this is another story i guess. :)

singsongs of the heart

bubbles!!!
Originally uploaded by simply mals.

eveningdrive: On this day...

i wish be at your side at this time. :-) its the 25th of July, a very special day. i am supposed to be on another planet or plane right now, unfortunately i dont have the means to be. right now, im just using what is available to me, and i thank the wonder of science for these excellent machines; to have my fingers key in the needed letters to form the words i would like to send, and to talk and listen to your voice.
for the nth time today, i want to say, I love you!

my eyes are heavy,
i cant barely open them,
yet my senses are real,
wanting you so badly,
to be next to you
staring at those sweet sweet eyes.
i miss being close to you.
being held captive in your arms
and your raucous laughter that sends me away
to that cheery land of happiness.
its a very special day, my dearest.
i wish i am home.

but i will be.
soon.
and i know you will be there.
waiting.

tagay! kampai! kampai!

san mig
Originally uploaded by simply mals.

eto ay isang patunay na sikat na sikat ang pinoy sa inuman. hahaha

i dont have any important thing to discuss (as if it matters to any of you). im just feeling so homesick and so tired i want to go home na sa pinas! waaahhhhh ayoko na dito!
isa pa, i feel so sad at the moment. inis din sa mga taong nakapaligid.
ang hirap magpanggap na di ka galit. na di ka asar. hay buhay.