streamlining

pamanwit!
Originally uploaded by simply mals.

(this is the typical setting in the province... along the stream, the kids try to lure fishes with their poles, gals line up for their usual labada, and parents chat with "gin" in their hands.
my family loves to go to this place whenever time permits; we eat on banana leaves using our hands, savouring the dishes that my mom and my titas cooked! hehehe, yum-yum!)

i wanted to share some of the poems i wrote because someone has been asking me to post my articles here. i hope no one will take notice of how poor i am at creating these things, my apologies, its just that i really like to write, not minding things as long as it suits me. hehehehe.

here they are...


Mystified and horror stricken,
Memories of the past
Haunts like a prey;
the silence is agonizing
darkness seeps in
while I sleep.
(08.05.2006 - 02:37 PM)



"lost"
all alone, i was in the room. pretending to be asleep, its been hours since i have been awake. 5 hours? 6? I am not certain, the eccentricities of the night was enveloping me in sadness.
Should i blame the night? I guess not. I could not blame the night. This is not its fault.
I wonder... I turned my gaze into the flourescent light just outside our room, and could barely think of the shadow it casts on the gloomy hallway. I moved slightly to my left, my sister has been sleeping like a baby. I envy her thoughts wandering now in her sleep. How could I not sleep like her? I wanted to.
I turned my eyes on the window and had seen the faint light coming from outside. The day was starting to regain its conciousness, or so I thought.
What is wrong? I have been thinking a lot these past few days, I know. I could barely hide the dark circles on my eyes. Fool as it may seem, but i know that i was never good at hiding sadness.
The day was breaking, i havent slept. But for all these times, I may have to ask again... what is wrong? What am I thinking?
to be continued...
(08.05.2006 - 03:19 PM)


i cannot fathom
the fury that besets
in my soul
i wanted to scream
rip your heart open
tore that silence
between clenched teeth
and once more
hear the loud banging
of the hatred cries
of my being.
(11.05.2006, 03:49)



it is a lonely night. i can only hear the sounds of my family breathe as they round the clock on this wee hours of the evening. i am tired... tired of thinking, of working and pondering about life itself... i am just a simple person, in want of feeling being loved and cared. maybe i am overreacting. i got lots of friends and a loving family around me. well, maybe i am really nuts. crazy you might put it. but it isnt a crime to be feeling this way.
(20.05.2006, 13:08)


"let things be"
sometimes we tend to mull over a lot of things in life.
most of the times we worry a lot about the whole "what if's" of our lives.
and we are also more inclined to think closely of the jumbled errors we had committed that we end up staring blankly.
of all those things that make us wonder, make us think, make us think of less of who we are, i am more attuned to remind you that we are not achieving anything.
instead, it would be best if we just let things be.
if we feel sad, have it that way.
if we are angered of anything, then freely admit that we are that way.
it is as simple as accepting of what is here and now, because what will happen in the next days of our lives depend much on what is here and now.
and so i end this simple nonsense piece of the heart that sometimes things are made simpler when we let things be... just as they are.
(21.06.2006, 04:12)


thank you for being there,
for saving my life,
for all the joys of in my face,
for all that goodness you have been sharing to me.
i wish i can be enough
for you to feel special,
but i know that whatever i give,
it may never be enough
so i am letting go
of the hurt and pain you have
on having me.
you have always been a wonderful man.
and you will always
have a special place
in my heart.
no man can ever take it
because you are there
at its center.
(10.07.2006, 08:24)


i crept,
slowly,
making sure soft steps
on this mournful heart.
i tried to search
for a love,
a promised love that i knew,
but it wasnt there,
i think i was alone,
as ever,
all alone.
i stood waiting,
again and again i searched.
looked.
waited.
until my head ached
for the longing of your presence
that i never knew
had now been enveloped
by the darkness.
i miss you.
(10.07.2006, 10:49)


my heart is screaming. i was lost, had been lost and been found. i know not of what lies ahead of me, but im trying to think positively of how or what i feel towards life. all has been broken, all is lost.
i feel so alone, so cold... i wish i am cuddling you. but i do wonder now if you still want to hold me.
i guess i am no one.
(10.07.2006, 10:55)